How someone communicates has the power to help build or undermine relationships. This explains why it is important for trainers to recognize the communication style that they employ when communicating with trainees. Although there are different ways of describing communication styles, we focus on three. Styles that promote interpersonal relationships, and by extension facilitate training and development, include assertive and supportive communication.

In turn, we contrast them with aggressive communication, which tends to make people defensive and thereby undermines instructor effectiveness. It is also important to note the difference between style and content. Although few people like being on the receiving end of negative information, they tend to be much more receptive to it when it is delivered in either an assertive or supportive style. Among the clearest ways to discern whether someone is engaging in aggressive or assertive and supportive communication is the extent that someone says “you” as opposed to “I.”

People who communicate aggressively tend to use “you” more often. One implication of saying “you” is that it distances the speaker. You need to do that, for example, or Why did you do that? These seem like demands or accusations. At best, this style of communication is transactional, but even when viewed that way, it fails to recognize or build relationships.

People with a more assertive or supportive style tend to use “I” with greater frequency. When people use “I,” they are often taking responsibility and/or providing an explanation. There is less blame and more cooperation. Other characteristics of assertive and supportive communication include being more honest and direct but also fair and tactful. From a training and development perspective, these create an environment more conducive to learning.