How we respond to a message directly affects the communication progression. Our comments can encourage or cut off the conversation, and they can help the sender keep calm or get emotional. But before you can respond appropriately, you need to understand what the person needs from you. Advising responses provide evaluation, personal opinion, direction, or instructions. Advising tends to close or limit discussion or direct the flow of communication away from the sender to the receiver.

A manager’s advising response to the employee’s complaint might be “You need my directions to do a good job, since you lack experience” or “I disagree. You need my instructions, and I need to check your work.” Diverting responses switch the focus of the communication to a new message—in other words, they change the subject. Like advising, diverting tends to redirect, close, or limit the flow of communication. Probing responses ask the speaker to give more information about some aspect of the message. Probing can be useful when you need to get a better understanding of the situation.

Reassuring responses are given to reduce the intensity of the emotions and give confidence associated with the message. Reflecting responses paraphrase the message and communicate understanding and acceptance to the sender. When reflecting, be sure not to use the sender’s exact words, or the person may feel you are mimicking. However, sometimes people just want someone to listen to what is going on with them.