An initiator is a person who confronts another person(s) in order to resolve conflict. The conflict can be of ideas or personal. Let’s face it—some people do things that annoy us. Your objectives should be to change the specific behavior, which may be your own, without hurting your relationship. The Collaborative Conflict Resolution Model, is evidence based (EBM) and can help you meet the objective of changing behavior by effectively initiating a conflict resolution.

State the problem in terms of behaviors, consequences, and feelings (in a BCF statement). The BCF statement describes a conflict in terms of behaviors (B), consequences (C), and feelings (F) in a way that maintains ownership of the problem. Don’t confront people because you don’t like their personality;235 you’re not going to change it. There really is no such thing as a personality conflict; it’s about specific things people do and say that bother you. So construct a short BCF statement.

After planning your BCF statement, think of some possible solutions you might suggest in step 3. Be sure your ideas take into consideration the other person’s point of view. Put yourself in his or her position—use empathy. Get the other person to acknowledge the problem or conflict. After stating your BCF, let the other person respond. If the other person doesn’t understand or acknowledge the problem, repeat your statement in different terms, if necessary. Ask for and/or present alternative resolutions to the conflict. Next, ask the person how the conflict might be resolved. If they acknowledges the problem but seems unwilling to resolve it, appeal to common goals.

Come to an agreement. Determine what specific actions you will each take to resolve the conflict. Perhaps the person will agree not to smoke in your presence now that he or she knows how it affects you. Clearly state whatever actions you each agree to.