Any one-on-one relationship presents the potential for either party (or both parties) to become dependent on each other. By becoming dependent, one party feels a sense of reliance on the other for something and would feel a sense of loss (or being uncomfortable) at the idea of not having it. It is important that you and your mentee remain independent of each other to enable the benefits of mentoring to be realized: that they become more empowered and equipped to face future challenges, etc.

Dependency can often occur where there is a stated intention of support; perhaps for a mentee ‘being helped’ creates a feeling of ‘I need help’. Alternatively, as a mentor’s support is clearly appreciated by the mentee, the mentor translates that to a sense of ‘I am needed’. As a mentor, it helps to recognize signs and symptoms of dependency so that you can decide the best response to that. When we maintain self-awareness we are more likely to notice our increased dependency on the relationship over time.

If you really enjoy the conversations because they are intellectually stimulating and you’d be disappointed if they were cut short – that’s completely normal and healthy. However, if you suspect that you are keeping conversations going for a more selfish reason (they make you feel liked, needed, flattered, admired, powerful etc.), that signals something to look at. Where these elements are not balanced, the potential of the mentoring becomes diluted.