This pitfall occurs when a mentor distorts the intention of providing appropriate assistance by adding their own agenda. It is natural for a mentor to want their mentee to gain positive benefit from their involvement and make progress. However, a mentor’s intention can develop into wanting something specific for them, based on their own view. A mentor’s agenda can often develop as they begin to form subjective views or judgement on the mentee’s situation. These subjective views will be based on the mentor’s own world views and bias.

Developing a personal agenda can happen when the mentor feels pressure to improve the results of the mentee, or ‘improve’ them in some way. When we create our own agenda for our mentee, and become attached to them achieving certain results, we have moved away from guiding principles. You might think their goals are great and their progress is good, but then in conversation you find that you interrupt them too often, or don’t listen properly, or keep trying to ‘fix’ things for them.

Having a personal agenda for someone else often comes from a desire to know the answer, be perceived as having added value or simply wanting to be in charge. When we work to stay present to someone, we focus on them and what is being said or happening in the moment.