The ability to create a positive sense of connection to the mentee is pivotal to the role. One of the most direct ways you connect with others is through the quality of your listening during conversation. Effective listening is an ability that can be developed over time. However, what equals effective listening in one situation may not be effective in another. In one situation you may need to listen for relevance, and in another you may need to listen for contradictions.

What forms your ability to listen is a combination of attention (what we are focused on) and your intention (what your motivation is in that moment). For great listening, we need both a constructive intention and focused attention. If we have one without the other, such as a constructive intention but scattered attention, we are still listening less effectively. Modern life encourages scattered attention as we focus on a variety of different activities at once. So be patient with yourself: just keep returning to the simple ideas of shifting your attention, staying present and focusing on the other person.

Over time you’ll notice your ability to sustain concentration increases as you retrain your wandering mind. As you do this, you’ll notice a relaxing of pressure, during conversations specifically. It’s also a way to reduce your overall stress levels, as the primary source of stress (your mind) becomes more still.